The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
by goddess-of-cool12
Summary: Hermione must choose between Ron and Harry so she tries to find out who loves her more… don’t worry, Happy ending. : No spoliers! Chapter 3 up!Read and Review!
1. Look whos talking

Title: The Good the Bad and the Ugly

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Humor/ Romance

Romance: Harry/ Hermione

Author: Sofia ( Lolita ) Codd

POV: Hermione

Summary: Hermione must choose between Ron and Harry so she tries to find out who loves her more… don't worry, Happy ending. 

Chapter 1: Look whos talking

Time: Somewhere before the 6th book

Spoilers:None

Disclaimers: I own nothing, I wish I did, but I don't.

ENJOY! ( sorry this is a short chapter, I have to go eat, my mum is starting to think im becoming anorexic (rolls eyes) .

"Ron, since you're now on the Quidditch team there's a few things you should know. The rumors are true. Riding a broomstick without underwear does allow you to grip it very well. But the splinters are a bitch. After the Quidditch match, it'll look like you've crapped a porcupine."

"Oh honestly Harry!" I said. Really. Do all boys have to be sooooo immature? Ive rolled my eyes so much this week I needed a band aid to hold them in place.

"Well, I'm keeping it on, I'm wearing my lucky underwear handed down by my dad" said Ron completely ignoring me, as usual.

Before Harry could say anything Dumbledore stepped into the conversation.

"Why hello Harry, do you think I could possibly "borrow" you for a few moments before the game"?

"Uhh sure professor"

Dumbledore walked off into a dark corner.

" Hermione, if I don't come out in 5 min, go get me alright?" Poor Harry, he looked like he had saw Fred naked covered in syrup. Believe me, its scary.

"Oh, of course Harry, don't worry its probably nothing. I said trying to comfort him.

Harry slowly made his way to the corner.

5min Later

The game was about to start and I hadent forgotten my promise so I went to get harry.

" Yes Harry, I'm afraid it's true, you were born a girl" said a voice that sounded like Dumbledores.

I paused. Had I heard what I thought I heard?

" Haha I'm just messing with you! But really Harry, I think you should give what I just said a lot of thought."

"Yes proffeser, but, can I ask you a question?" said a voice I was sure was Harry's.

"Of course."

"Professor Dumbledor sir, they say that you are the only wizard Voldemort ever feared. Is that true sir?"

"Oh hevens no Harry! That's just a little rumor of mine I like to spread around just to get people to join The Order... And you thought that was true?"

"Why yes sir."

"Goodness no my boy! Have you _seen_ Voldemort? He could _totally_ kick my ass!"

"Oh, Ok then Um, thanks."

That's when I walked in.

" Hope I'm not disturbing anything, but Harry has to play Quidditch."

"Oh yes of course," said Dumbledore. He looked at harry, "You look extraordinarly like your father's ass, Harry. Except for the crack. You have your mother's crack. "

"Yeah? Thanks , I'll keep that in mind." Said Harry as we ran the hell away from there.

So? What did you think? The story hasent really started yet but it will next chapter. Please, please,please R and R. Just say if you…

Loath it?

Hate it?

Dislike it?

Think its ok?

Like it?

Strongly like it?

Love it?

Adore it?

BYE!

XOXO

Sofia(lolita) Codd


	2. Remembering

Lol thanks for the reviews, I am using spell check only I accidentally put it on swedish and I cant find a way to make it english again…

ENJOY! KEEP REVIEWING!

I own nothing.

Lol sorry its short again.

Chapter 2- the match/ remembering

Harry and Ron left to play leaving me alone. When I had asked Harry what he and Dumbledore had been talking about he wouldn't say. Now I was alone…all alone…alone…forever… when I snapped out of it the game was half done. Watching harry without underwear and Ron soaring through the air reminds me of the old days…

FLASHBACK

Butt-Harry: Uh, huh huh, huh...logs   
Weavise:(clentching fists) Yeh, heh heh heh FIRE! FIRE FIRE! Yeh heh heh heh  
Butt-Harry: Uh, huh huh, huh...wood  
Weavise: Yeh, heh heh heh (puts back of robe over his head) I AM THE GREAT   
VORT-HOLIO...I need TP for my bunghole!

Hermione walks in

Weavise & Butt-Harry: Hermionea-cha cha cha! Hermionea-cha cha cha! 

Hermione:(sighing) You two will never graduate.  
Butt-Harry: Never masturbate?  
Hermione: GRADuate. As in, like finish school.   
Weavise: You mean, like, school ends?  
Hermione: Yeah.   
Weavise: Cool.

Weavise: Whoa! a Pandora's Secrets Catalog!  
Butt-Harry: Dammit Weavise, don't start polishing your wand here!...  
Uh, huh huh huh...Cat log...

Hermione: "Harry you've been in the bathroom for a really long time! What's going on in there?"  
Harry: "Something Magical!"

Ron: I'm my own father!  
Hermione: I think I saw a porno like this once.

HARRY: But someone was screaming, a woman..  
RON: Sorry about that...

Malfoy: Potter my wand's bigger than yours!  
Harry: No way, mine's totally bigger!  
Hermione: Please, mine's atleast an inch bigger than both of yours put together...  
Malfoy: Wait, what?

END OF FLASHBACKS

It took Hermione the rest of the match to figure out that she was in love with her best friends, the question was, which one did she love more?

Ok, R and R!


	3. Authors Note

I know I'm not supposed to put these inbetween chapters but rules were meant to be broken right?

first of all I would like to say that i have a suspision and a freat deal of prouf to say that i dont think many people are reviewing. Is it because you hate this story so much you cant take 5 seconds to review? I'm getting depressed. Someone give me a virgin Bloody Mary Quick! Anyway, Please, please, please review. You can say anything, you can type the ABC's for all i care, just please, please, please review. It makes my day when that you got mail sighn thing comes up. You can tell me you hate the story and you wish I would die. Well, I'd probably tell you to shove something up your ass but still! So people, please review.

Thank you to the few reviewers that did review. All of you deserve cookies but all i can give you is this…

Anna B. the Greek- I dont know what OOC means but thank you.

TrubySCS3- If you read the booksyou will see that Hermione is the only normal one. Well, i mean normal in a place where they wave wands and ride hypocrites, oops, i mean hippogriffs ( lol i think i spelled it wrong again)

silverwolf1561- Thank you, you are the model reviwer. You deserve a brownie.

TrubySCS3- Oh, you again, lol just kidding, well, Hermione is smart in things that they teach in books so i dont think she would be for stuff like this.

for people who read it and didnt review you get a chocolate chip and people who didnt read this or review, you get nothing MUAHAHAHAHA. i love the power .

Keep Reading and Reviwing

XOXO,

Sofia (Lolita) Codd


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